Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
