I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
