im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
