I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Randomize
