My room smells like vodka and shame
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
