I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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