I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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