my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
