she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize