Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.

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(913): View more from Kansas

Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.

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(516): View more from New York

i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.

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(702): View more from Nevada

It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...

(775): View more from Nevada

yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.

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(917): View more from New York City

Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.

(978): View more from Massachusetts

I could have done it in 2

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(909): View more from California

I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.

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(718): View more from New York

Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.

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(512): View more from Texas

They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels

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