I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
