what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
