five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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