i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
