I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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