i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
