He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
