Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
