yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
