Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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