I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
