He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
