Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
