Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize
