Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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