he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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