I look better un-naked...
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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