He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
