Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
