Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
