I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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