I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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