had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize
