My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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