idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
