My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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