What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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