My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize