Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Randomize
