Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
