You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
