Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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