I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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