wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
