i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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