whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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