Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
