She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
