You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
