Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
