sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
