as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize