I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
