We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize