No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
