I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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