Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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