The maid of honor just puked.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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