come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
i think i just lost a toe
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
