God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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