there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
