I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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