i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
