you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
