More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
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