Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize