I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
